All of us have felt insecure and unsure at numerous points in our lives. But what if this becomes the norm instead of being the exception? Feeling insecure in life, particularly in a relationship, can be excruciating and stressful to you and those around you. But how do you prevent insecurity from creeping into your relationship? And in case it does, how do you rediscover the missing spark with your partner? Read on to find out.
1. You’re Worth It
Self-worth is an important aspect to have in a relationship, because it means that you do not let your partner’s traits or successes affect you too much. However, this is not found in most people, which makes relationships just successive days of feeling insecure of your contributions to your relationship. This negativity must be put aside, as everyone has something unique to contribute to a partnership. Instead of feeling jealous or overshadowed by your partner’s successes, one must feel proud and happy at their achievements, because you had played a big part in it with your support and love.
2. Ditch Presumptions
Once insecurity pervades into one’s mind in a relationship, they tend to make mountains out of molehills. Every thought, word or action from your partner will be dissected and analyzed, constantly looking for hidden meanings and ulterior motives. Though this is not done out of spite or hatred, it will push your partner further away, especially once you start assuming the worst and imagining awful situations, such as your partner cheating on you or something similar. This toxicity will make way for doubt, resentment, and in the end, a full-blown argument, replete with finger pointing and blaming. Your mind can let your imaginations run wild, unless you actively put a stop to it, and this can only be done by communicating with your partner.
3. Communicate Often
The more you let your insecurities fester, the more they consume you and your relationship from within, like a growing flame eating up oxygen. Honesty and willingness to discuss your anxieties with your partner is a step in the right direction. Sometimes, feeling insecure will prevent people from speaking up, because they are afraid that their partner will think of them as weak or scared or incompetent. But a truly understanding partner will always think of you highly, and will readily try to help you with your predicament.
4. Live For Yourself
Though a relationship is made of two people, sometimes one person feels that they are always in the shadow of the other, and that the other is more dominating when it comes to attention or tasks performed. This is where having a strong sense of self-identity comes in. Being too dependent on your partner is not a good thing, because this will increase expectations unnecessarily. Instead, strive for a degree of independence, where you have a side of your life that is not defined by your partner or your relationship. Having your own set of hobbies and pastimes, and your own social circle are great ways of feeling confident with your life.
5. Maintain A Healthy Space
Some people tend to cling on to their partners more when they are feeling insecure as a means of compensating. Initially this may be perceived as a gesture of endearment, but over a period of time, your partner will begin to feel suffocated and will start dreading spending time with you, particularly when you demand to know every detail of their day, like where they’ve been and who they’ve met. Therefore, it’s necessary that you give your partner their own space, at work and also at home.
6. Trust Yourself
Insecurities stem from conflict and doubts that one has within themselves. This is because you are uncertain as to your exact role and contribution to your relationship, and therefore feel inadequate. Things will begin to take a turn for the better only if you are ready to trust yourself with your feelings, your decisions and your actions. No one, not even your partner, can help you if you are not prepared to help yourself.
7. Trust Your Partner
Just as trusting yourself is important, so is trusting your partner. They have chosen to live their life with you for a reason, and so you should give them the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions. Wanting to know every inch of detail about their life or worse, spying on them to make sure they are still committed to you are grave mistakes that can leave your relationship broken and battered, with no chance of mending it in the future. Feeling insecure is not a good reason to destroy a good, solid relationship, is it?
8. Perfect Is As Perfect Does
Many couples strive to be perfect, especially in the eyes of others. This expectation is not always met, leading at least one of the couple to believe that it is they who are holding back the other from being perfect. This aggravates every time there is an argument or a tiff. You must realize that perfection is not a marker for a healthy relationship; happiness is. As long as the both of you are happy and contented, there is no cause for you to be alarmed.
9. Be Mindful Of The Warning Signs
In most cases, there are certain incidences or situations that seem to trigger people’s insecurities. This could be seeing your partner talk engagingly with a member of the opposite sex, or when they spend more time at work than with you. It is important to figure out what these triggers are, why you are feeling insecure about them, and more important, how you react to them. This is where trust and open communication with your partner comes into play.
10. Spice Things Up
Not all insecurities are related to your partner’s successes or financial status. The major reason in most cases is the gradual decline of romance, or the ‘spark,’ as the time goes by. This is why it is essential that both partners engage in activities that reignite the lost flame. A surprise dinner at their favourite restaurant, a weekend getaway to a place that they’ve always wanted to visit, or even something routine such as jogging or going to the gym together can make you feel the warmth that you thought had vanished. The occasional flirting, unexpected physical contact, and an adventurous lifestyle in bed, all contribute to happiness and security in your relationship.
Everyone has hidden demons, and we tend to bring them along for the ride when we enter into a relationship. However, you must not allow them to take control of your life and ruin it by feeling insecure and stressed. Your partner loves you for who you are, pros and cons included. So, don’t waste time fretting about it. Just go out and have some fun while keeping that flame burning.